Labor Day

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1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

Oh beautiful, exciting, terrifying, “labor day”. And no, I don’t mean the picnic holiday, I mean BIRTH.

I have been anxiously awaiting this day for the last 8 months (1 month to go). I will be thirty in August – I mean, no big deal right? but I spent the last 10 (at least) years praying for this sweet child that is curled up in my womb. To me, what feels like an eternity of waiting. I believed so many lies that I didn’t deserve to carry a child, that my body wasn’t capable of sustaining a life. I believed that I would never be a mom and that no one would ever love me.

OH SATAN – Let me tell you where you belong!!

In 2016 I met my husband. I fought off the memorizing pull we had drawing us closer together. I told him I never wanted to be more than friends. The Lord knew I needed a stubborn man to step in and capture my heart. Now here we are 3 years later about to meet our first born face to face.

My strongholds? they didn’t disappear over night! The Lord had to work on my heart for 10+ years!!! He had to teach me to speak life over my future and believe that He is greater than any mountain I will ever face ❤ friends, that is true for you as well! You may not be dealing with life changes in the same way that I am, but it is still true for you! God is greater! It doesn’t have to take 10 years to break your strongholds either. Begin praying and asking God for guidance.

Try to apply my experience to what you are going through at work, home, with your finances, an illness or even just life in general. Learning to “speak life” is revolutionary – but you first have to recognize what “speaking death” is to break the bondage!

God clearly tells us in 1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

I’ve had a tough pregnancy. I cried a lot. Now, don’t take this the wrong way – I AM OVER THE MOON TO HAVE COME THIS FAR. TO BE A MOM. TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO CARRY A BABY AND BE APART OF HER GROWTH. Month 1 – 6 involved complication after complication. Extreme sciatica in my left side that had me in a wheel chair. As a dance teacher, this made my job SO DIFFICULT. I had to rely on my teacher assistants heavily. I was frustrated that I couldn’t give my students my all. I was SO SO SICK. I felt good maybe 1% of the day, for 6 months. Oh, and the depression. I’ve always suffered from a manageable amount of depression. Somedays worse than others, but NOTHING like what I experienced in months 3-6. I felt like I got hit by a loaded train 24/7. Getting out of bed was really not an option. I wanted to hide in a hole. I didn’t want to go to work, I didn’t want to hang out with my friends, I didn’t want to eat, my passion was gone. Let me rephrase that – it wasn’t that I didn’t “want to” – I couldn’t! I was so physically and mentally drained that I couldn’t. On top of the hormonal change affecting me, we lost 2 of our dance family members, one of my precious students and 3 of my uncles in less than 5 months. Rip my heart out of my chest!!!!!! My drive to press on was almost non existent. I hid all of these things from people. I wasn’t sure I could stand to have anyone else walk away. They did anyways. I wish this paragraph could depict what I went through, but in these few short sentences, it never will.

TIP FROM THE OUTSIDE: If your friends disappear, check on them. Don’t just say “how are you doing, wanna get breakfast?” GO CHECK ON THEM. Toss your judgment and advice out the window and just go give them a hug. Depression isn’t about them not wanting to be your friend, its a very internal struggle that hurts so deeply. More hurt, judgment and advice – it doesn’t help even the slightest. 

Oh bless my husband. Almost everyone in my life had walked out on me at this point. They either got fed up with the season of life, or didn’t understand and left. Oh my sweet husband. They Lord truly knew what He was doing when He sent me Jesse. Every single day he would try to find a way to make it better, even though He knew that my body was going through some things he may never understand or be able to fix.

Oh and the bleeding. I had a spout of bleeding that was quite alarming in the 2nd trimester. I cried uncontrollably for days. My doctors discovered a problem with my placenta and put me on “rest” until further notice. YOU CANT PUT A STUDIO OWNER AND DANCE TEACHER ON REST. Cue the stress… on top of stress… How will my dance family trust me. How can I provide a quality education to my students if I am on rest?!?!?! GOD MADE A WAY ❤

He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.

My revelation:

I believed God for his promises, but still trapped fear in my heart. What if I miscarry? What if she is taken from me? What if I don’t live through delivery? What if, what if, what if!!  That wasn’t true belief!!!!

It wasn’t until one of my dear friends gave me the book “Supernatural Childbirth” that I realized, I had been speaking death over my pregnancy for FAR TOO LONG. And I don’t mean for the last 8 months – I mean over the last 10 years!

God did not create women to carry a child as a weak, fragile being!! He made us to carry a child as a strong and powerful force, confident and protected by His own hands!!

Exodus 23:25-26 (NIV) “25 Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, 26 and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.”

-What was I missing here? line one – WORSHIP THE LORD YOUR GOD… I was too busy speaking death and fear.

1 Samuel 1:27 (NIV) “27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.”

I declared that I was indeed weak by myself, but strong and mighty with the Lord. I began to ACTUALLY believe that the Lord was following through with His promises. That my child will be healthy and whole, that my body will do exactly what it is supposed to and no complication will continue. Satan’s hold on my heart – BYE, SEE YA! None of my thoughts aligned with scripture. None of my thoughts aligned with Gods promises ❤ and so I had to give myself a brain check and rewire!

Friends, my sciatica is gone!!! The day I read the first chapter, got down on my knees and prayed for the Lords delivery – GONE. My placenta is perfectly healthy and in a wonderful position. Baby girl is healthy and whole. Momma is healthy and whole. The doctors have taken me off rest and even told me to go for a hike if I wanted to. LOL – I mean I’m pretty out of shape at this point, so I wont be hiking, but those words were so encouraging.

My mind, you wouldn’t believe the transformation of my mind. I getup shortly after my husband, make breakfast, get work related things done, and then continue nesting. I even started making my hubby lunch! (Making my hubby lunch is something I LOVE doing. Its so nice to be back.)

Don’t get me wrong. I still have to sleep a lot, I mean, my body is creating a baby. If you’re pregnant and reading this, know, rest is okay! You aren’t lazy or losing your mojo, you are creating a life! Give yourself some grace ❤

There are a few other areas that we are praying and trusting the Lord in like finances, delivery and adjusting to our new life with little love. All I have to say is if HE brought us this far, I KNOW he isn’t going to stop now and leave.

So, when anxiety sets in and I want to crawl back in a hole – this experience has been a gentle reminder that “labor day” will truly be a beautiful one I have prayed for and one that the Lord will be with us every step of the way.  Healthy, whole and beautiful.

My Prayer: (Read these words even if you are struggling as I was. Even if your health is declining as mine was. Speak life.)

“Lord Jesus, thank you for this life, thank you for each of our friends who are here today reading your words and believing for the same miracle you placed in our lives. Thank you for casting out fear and defeating the enemy! Thank you for the health of my body and my baby. Thank you Lord Jesus for creating our bodies to be strong and powerful and ABLE to create life through you. Thank you for your healing hands, given so freely. Lord, I just want to pray over myself, my child and my friends. Lift us, reveal your promises to us, deliver us from satan’s lies and give us a bold confidence in the future you have in store for our families. Thank you for never leaving us or forsaking us, even in our darkest hour. We love and cherish every moment with you. In Jesus name, Amen.”

 

One thought on “Labor Day

  1. 💕💕💕Oh sweet woman! I had no idea you were also dealing with depression. While God has not yet given me a child, I can related to most of what you’ve been going through. I tend to put up walls when I’m depressed and I disappear. But God has delivered me through relying on His Word and speaking life to myself. I’m struggling to think positive about myself and my situation as a wife working from home. It can be overwhelming when you’re ill and you just want to be back to normal working and blessing others. But God is the Great Physician and the Jehovah Gira (Great Provider). With Him-even the most stressful situations become not only possible but an amazing blessing!! Thanks so much for sharing dear one!! 💕💕love ya!

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